Four Years and Four Emotions
by NyanWrites
Summary: Shizaya Fanfic. Izaya Orihara is rumored to be dead after explosives had been set off. Shizuo wants to feel pride but doesn't feel the satisfied feeling he excepts to feel. During four years, he learns that he needs Izaya more than he thinks.


Four years ago, it was just a regular fight between the infamous Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara. Izaya on the brink of death while Shizuo was on the brink of killing him, until explosives had went off planted from Izaya's own doing. After it all, it was rumored Izaya was dead. It made Shizuo hesitate about the rumored claims, but it had occurred to him: No Izaya, no fighting, just peace. Without weeks without him after the incident, the Heiwajima decided Izaya was either planning a attack on him or really was dead. A month had passed, and finally he had collected enough courage to ask Namie about the situation. The dull woman had clearly stated that Izaya had not come to work for a while, and that if he was absent for more days she'd leave the job because of her late pay check. It had finally been clear to him Izaya was gone. Dead. These words sent shivers down his spine. It wasn't until later he started realizing some things.

After Shizuo fully recovered from the bombs that had been set off, Tom and Vorona felt happy for Shizuo that the beast could finally rest. The peace part was on his decision, but either way the trio decided that it was finally the blonde could be more calm and collective without a sly informant. Shizuo Heiwajima, the strongest man of Ikebukuro, didn't need to worry about him. That's what scared him after he started realizing it. All those years of playing chase and throwing multiple public objects, Izaya Orihara was finally dead. It didn't feel right. It felt...empty. Meaningless. In all honesty, the inhumane man didn't know what to do after the Orihara was dead, he didn't even think give it a single thought. All he imagined was the sick and twisted flea with that smug grin dying by his own hands. Shizuo thought he'd atleast find some pride in it, but it felt wrong.

Maybe the absent informant came back to the apartment where he gazed out of his window only just to admire his humans from above like a god. The monster decided to visit the apartment of the informant and imagine him yelling at Izaya at the top of his lungs as they took chase again. But instead, he was greeted by a cold and empty atmosphere that felt different. It wasn't empty surprisingly, for Namie was there; gazing around the empty room as if it carried Izaya's presence. She seemed dull as ever, but something had shown differently in her eyes. It was awkward and silent between the two, for even though no words were spoken it was obvious what they both had in mind: Where was Izaya Orihara?

After that day, Shizuo continued to do the same thing each day after visiting. He couldn't believe that the annoying brat was gone after all the time he spent on attempt after attempt to kill him. Instead of the pride he was confident to be met with, only regret had greeted him with open arms. Day after day, he kept visiting and visiting, constantly missing work as a debt collector. Tom decided to leave his kohai alone, for he was afraid if he interfered Shizuo would snap at him. Instead, Vorona became worried of Shizuos addiction to visiting the lifeless place, so she tried to cheer up the man. Tom had told the Russian woman to stop her methods, but the stubborn partner declined. No progress was made each time she tried to cheer up the man in her own way; for she was met with a Shizuo that had finally snapped at Vorona on the roof of a building she invited him to. Gaze at the sunset. Try to comfort. But this didn't happen at all, because after the words that were spoken on that very day Vorona had realized Shizuo's situation was deeper than she thought.

 _"Vorona I understand for what your doing but nothing can help me right now because Izaya hasn't come back yet, and-" "Shizuo I understand but Izaya is dead. You have to face the truth that he'll never show up one day in front of the apartment you go to every damn single day. You have to give up, this is what you've always wanted right? For him to die to be eliminated to never show up in front of you no more and it isn't going to help if you keep going-" "Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" The man looked miserable, as if he was slowly losing his sanity. Vorona had reached out to comfort him and murmured his name, but he swat her away and stared her dead in the eye with fierce hazel eyes that had once glared at Izaya. "You don't know the pain, the guilt, the loss that I feel. You don't know about the things the thoughts I have, no one does. All of it's bullshit, but the thing that's unbearable, that I can't contain, that people may know but can't express is the emotion of deep hatred I have for him._

The moment that hatred was said had said it all, and she decided to leave Shizuo alone. With his left sanity. With his depressed state. With desperation of Izaya being possibly dead. With his guilt. Shizuo was obviously dying inside. Each day without Izaya was another day he would slowly die.v No one bothered to bother Shizuo when they saw him gazing out of the window Izaya would use to gaze at his lovely humans. Shizuo would scavenge through his apartment and find many documents and journals contained in drawers and cabinets. It wasn't until one notebook had caught his eye, though what was inside made him cringe. Izaya was self-abusive. The notebook was filled with Izaya's thoughts and depression, but it wasn't as close to what else Shizuo had found later on. The thing that made him finally break, was that Izaya had cared for Shizuo. Besides the fact that they hated each other, tried to kill each other, Izaya had loved Shizuo. Shizuo didn't notice this, for he only wanted to kill him every single moment, it made Izaya sadden because those emotions would never be returned by Shizuo's deep hatred for the 'flea'. So he kept the feelings behind his mask, only to show it through hatred. It ticked something in the debt collector, the hatred that was there became more powerful. Emotional. Devastating. Shizuo had cried that night; for it was the first time he ever broke down. The first time he ever broke physically and emotionally. He was left with only bits of sanity that would possibly later on disintegrate among the rest of reality. For four years, this process was continued.

Four years. Four years had passed. It was a snowy day in December in Tokyo. Shizuo wandered along the snowy sidewalk; tiny bits of snow flying down from the heavens and onto Ikebukuro. Shizuo Heiwajima was on his way to Izaya's apartment like he did everyday, for four years. A lunch bag in his hand swinging around as he could careless about the snow. Everyone would usually greet the man, for they all knew he would go to the apartment of the most dangerous man in Ikebukuro. Tom and Vorona would gladly accept him back if he ever wanted to continue working, for he gave up on work from his depression. Celty would visit Shizuo at the apartment and comforted him, and then left him alone in miserable peace. Shinra prescribed Shizuo medication for the depression he developed, and Shizuo didn't bother with it unless he was forced by Celty or Shinra. Namie had collected all of her belongings and took care of her brother at home. Shiki moved on from Izaya, telling Shizuo if he ever did come back to tell him straight away. Dotachin would drop by now and then with food from Simon so Shizuo wouldn't starve. Erika had sobbed her eyes out when she found out Shizuo and Izaya were a death OTP, and Walker attempted to comfort her. Kasuka sent Shizuo letters of care, and Shizuo would respond for his brother.

He didn't care if he got cold, because he was already hollow and cold inside. Bags started to form under his eyes, as if he didn't already look terrifying. Murmurs of greetings were passed by to him, but like everything he didn't bother to do anything besides go to the apartment of Izaya. Once he reached his destination, he stared up at the building and took out a cigarette and lit it. He pressed the cancer to his lips, and looked towards the entrance. Someone was there. They too were gazing up at the building. Snow had been collected up by their dark raven hair, along with their jacket that had fur trimmings. They slowly moved their head to the side, crimson eyes that had a dull look to it. It was a man. A man that Shizuo knew too well. The mans apartment that he visited ever day. The man that he started to develop a strange emotion for that he called hatred. The man he would beg to come back one day. Izaya Orihara. The cigarette had fallen from his mouth and landed in the depths of the snow, Shizuo taking a step forward as the raven haired man whipped his head in his direction. Tears had collected up in hazel eyes, slowly dripping down numb cheeks as the crimson eyed man grinned that usual ignorant grin. How Shizuo had missed that disgusting grin of his that pissed him off deeply. "We see each other after four years Shizu-chan, and the first thing you do is cry?" With the strength he had left, Shizuo ran forward and wrapped the smaller man I. a warm embrace no matter how cold it was. Tears were shed. Emotions were felt through kisses, and apologizes were shared in their own deep regrets.

" _Welcome home, Izaya Orihara."_

 _After four years. After four emotions developed during that time._

 _Desperation. Depression. Insanity. And Love. The emotions that made them human. That made them realize they were nothing with the other._

 _After four years, after four emotions._


End file.
